Support a partner of a sick person

Many couples unfortunately have to deal with a serious illness, which throws their lives completely upside down.

The partner suddenly takes on a new role of caregiver, refuge, psychologist/psychiatrist, jack-of-all-trades …..and the fact that this is not at all easy is often overlooked.

There are hundreds of articles online on how to act as a supportive spouse to a sick partner but few or no articles on how to help that partner.

Hence today’s tip.

Tip for today
Show support to a friend who cares for a sick partner. You may not be able to completely take away their stress, but you can be there for them with small meaningful things that give them a reason to smile.

What can you do for them?

1. Inquire about them personally and not only ask about the sick person. Tell them it’s OK to vent. Being able to get things off their chest and being allowed some complaining once in a while, can be extremely therapeutic
2. While it’s therapeutic to vent, sometimes it feels an enormous task having to talk (again) about the situation and your feelings. So send a message like this from time to time: “I am thinking of you today. You don’t have to respond“. I am sure it will be appreciated.
3. Take over some household chores but make it specific: For example: ‘I’m going to the store now, send me your shopping list’ instead of ‘let me know if there is anything I can do’.
4. Show understanding if your friend isn’t too good a friend himself. Being a caregiver is stressful and can be isolating. Don’t be disappointed and don’t expect much. On the contrary, use phrases like if: You’re doing great, I admire you, …
5. Urge them to being kind to themselves. Most caregivers feel guilty for taking care of their own well-being. Book a massage, a beauty treatment or a trip to the hairdressers for them (hopefully we will be able to do that again soon!)
6. Help them to give priority to their own health. Caregivers need energy and resilience more than ever. But they don’t give priority to their own health. So help them with that: Go for a walk together, take them to the gym, cook healthy meals, make sure healthy snacks are available, …
7. Invite them for a day or weekend trip. Just escaping and being in a different environment charges their batteries. (Help them to) find a backup if the partner needs round the clock care.
8. Take care of the children or go for a walk with the dog. It’s  a huge relief knowing that your loved ones who are missing your attention will be pampered.
9. Don’t exclude them from ‘silly jokes and funny remarks’. Out of fear of appearing inconsiderate, we often shield the partner and the sick person from ‘silly’ things. But laughing with insignificant things releases stress.  If you’re not sure, first ask if it’s OK to send a joke once in a while.
10. Offer your company and be there for them. Especially if the partner prefers to stay close to the sick spouse, just be there for them as company.